My blog

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

It seems I've been growing more attached to this thing. Sometimes it feels really good to rant in your first language, because curse words seem to not feel as powerful in the second, and it's so much easier to rant and let out how you feel when you use English. Truthfully, I've been trying to detach from everything backhome to make the stay easier, so I kind of gave up on this for a while, but I realized...this is a great way to talk about problems here without offending them! I can rant about anyone I want here because besides the fact that none of them know about this most couldn't read it anyways. So an update...my second host mom kicked me out. For what in specific it's hard to say, and believe me for a while I was feeling like there was a major problem in something I was doing, but the director told me the mom just wasn't the type of person for the job. That made me feel better. Since I was her first student, she just wasn't aware of the responsabilities of the job. The new host family seems really, cool, but I don't want to talk too soon because last time I told everyone my family was wonderful and then she turned crazy. It's so true- people are really ugly when they're acting mean or disgusted. Whenever the mom would make that face like "why are you here" I felt like she was a witch or something. The last day the dad bitched me out and called me a thiefand selfish and said I'd get kicked out of the country, but I realized when someone's upset and yelling not to argue back. I think that took him by surprise because the way things were in that family the son would just yell back louder, which just kindled the flame(excuse the cheesy metaphore). Well it's best just t o forget about all that and move on, whic h is what I've been doing. It's really hard to live in the house of people who really really don't like you, it makes you feel worthless and cold, but you've just got to get out and find meaning yourself. You've always got you, wherever you are, And you're always here, so if they hate you the best way to argue back is to smile. And believe me, it really pisses them off, and sure is fun. I think the thing that was most bothering me was the fact that my learning of Spanish had reached a standstill. You can't learn if the family bars every means of the language(won't talk to you, won't let you watch TV), and it's really frustrating thinking I'm here but not learning, but my learning has picked up and taken off again, so I'm relieved. Things feel better.Other news- I bought tickets to go to Morocco in April. I think I upset the other two girls and guy who are comin g with me (all American) because I finally told them I will be staying in the cheap hostel whether they will or not. Seriously, a cheap hostel down there costs around 1 dollar, and they want to pay 80 to stay in a fancy western hotel with satellite and everything. Not only do I find that unnecessary and ridiculous, but it seems very disrespectful to the native culture, to go to another country but stay in America. I'm going to experience Morocco, not stay in the four star shower. And as my friend Stepheny told me, forget about making other people happy, you're only giong to be in Morooco once, so do what you want. And it's true, you've got to try to make life better for other people,but sometimes you've got to do what yyou think is best for you. We don't need to look for a hotel that seems "just like one in America" as they say, but rough it up and try to learn and experience a foreign culture. So no hard feelings but thats what I'm going to do.
Wow I've written alot. Not sure why. This will probably be the last post for quite som e time, but everyone probably thinks I've abandoned this old thing anyway.
¶ 2:58 AM