So I guy I knew at work killed himself a couple of days ago. And for all of you who were at the high school last year, I don't need to bother describing the emotions. But this guy I knew better than Seidel. I didn't know know him, but he'd say whats up when he came in and I'd say see ya when I clocked out. We may have exchanged a joke or two, but we never got to know each other, he was just a casual accuantaince. And then I heard the news, and it seems so...ot the present. It's effected me more since I knew him and can actually visualize his face, and I can see him easily in my mind. His picture in the paper looked so young...I can't help but wonder what his thirteen year old self would say if someone told him that he was going to commit suicide at age 24. All those moments and all those years, just wasted...but then again we're all going to die anyways and so in a sense all of these moments are being wasted. Did he think, before he did it, that that random new guy at work would be effected? We're all so connected. We all know so many people, and we don't even know it, and when it comes down to it, alot of people are affected. It also makes you think, everyones a poser, everyone's fake until they kill themself. Once that happens it's like oh...he wasn't trying to create an image for himself, he was a live human being. Everyone always complains about everyone, they say everyone's a poser or they're trying to fit in with their music croud or whatever, basically complaining that everyone else isn't a clone of themselves. Well guess what, no one else is you, so get over it. Everyone has to pull away for a while before discovering themselves, while discovering themselves...one girl said she thought it was her thought because that day he wanted to talk to her but she didn't have time. Other people said it wasn't her fault, but know what? Maybe it was her fault. Little things can hurt so much, and when you've had a bad day and don't have anyone to talk to, one little thing can push you off the brink. Moral? We should try to give everyone our honesty, our time, our kindness, before it's two late. You may have prevented a suicide a hundred times in your life and not even known it, just from being nice and listening. How many more do you think you will be able to stop? How many more will you cause?
+++++++You know, lots of people don't realize it, in fact I didn't even realize it for a while, but single children have an advantage over other people...and that is they have more of a sense of independence, in a people sense. What I mean to say, is that I think the person I may have missed the most while in Spain was my brother. He and I have gotten in lots of fights, but we've always had a real deep connection. It's so deep we're not even aware of it. I don't even realize it, but if he ever found himself in a bad situation I would defend him in a heartbeat. Some people say he can be a dick, but he's a real nice guy under all that, he's just afraid to let it show sometimes. I got home from the warped tour and found out he had already left for North Carolina. It upset me, things are alot more fun and happening when he's around. I think the fact that he wasn't there is part of the reason it was so tough for me in Spain. Things are easier when he's there. I know I shouldn't be dependent on him, and I'm not (I mean I lived alone in a foreign country for 8 frikkin months) but I just prefer having him there. It makes things psicologically easier. I really hope he can make it out in life...he has real problems with logistics and material problems(i.e. math), but when it comes to theoretical thinking, like in writing, he's a frikin genious. I hope he'll be able to do okay...after leaving high school I see thatnot everythings so easy, and lots of people do lose there way. It is actually important to work hard and study in high school...
I don't have anything else to say, I just wanted to share how I was feeling. Basically, my brother means alot to me. And for some reason I wanted to write about that. So there yuo go.
